Another week of hectiness coming up....

Its already Thursday. I really don't like it. Time moves so fast. So many things to do, and the work load is getting more and more. Many times I told myself not to get involved in things I shouldn't get involved in. But its so hard, I'm just so worried that I'll get affected if things don't go right. ANd thus, the work load increases. Belive it or not, next week, its already gonna be very hectic for me. Lets look at Monday first.

Meeting at 9 am, then class at 11am, then class again at 2pm, then meeting again at 5pm, then class again at 7pm. I'm very tempted to skip the class, but in the end, I won't. Then, Tuesday, class at 8.30am, class at 11am, might have some work to do before my next class at 4pm (will definitely have) and I think I'm having midterm for the 4pm class. "Very nice Sheren. And have you studied? No!" Then, meeting again at 7pm. Then, Wednesday, class at 9am. Then class/midterm at 11am. Then I'm SUPPOSED to be free but I don't think I will be. Then after the whatever I have to do, I have meeting again at 5pm. Then supposed to be free again, but I'm very sure I'll have things to do and work out my semester report for IHRM as I'm preety sure I won't be able to get it done by this week. Then Thursday. Supposed to be free again, but no, I don't think I'll be free, again. Settle all that I got to do, and training/meeting at 6pm. Hopefully we're having it coz I need to ask Brendan bout my money and we have loads of stuff to settle regarding debate club too. Then, eSOM at 7.30. O man, I just remember, I don't think everyone will be there at 6 so, I'll have to miss debate again. Can't and don't wanna miss eSOM definitely. So...hmm....how am I gonna be selcted for MDO again...? I really wanna go for MDO. Will be really down if I don't get to go. Two reasons why I wanna go. 1. Break to semis at least (YES I HAVE FAITH WE CAN MAKE IT THIS TIME) and 2. see him...miss him so much. I really do. This is what we call the -girl-out-of-her-mind-syndrome :)

Anyway, where were we. Yes, then next, Friday....you know what? me stating my schedule will not change a thing and its just making me more stressed. So I'll stop here for that and just pray that I'll pray and pray that everything will be fine. It should be.

If God is with me, nothing can go against me. Amen.

Signing out for now....

(L)sheren(L)

I'm missing him and my mum like crazy ni!!!

Can't do my work langsung...............

How......I even tried fasting...but my mind is just so messed up.....I nearly got crashed oso tadi....I thought it was green light for me to go (I just saw some green light and trus go, but it was for those who wanna turn, not for those going straight)...thank God, nothing happened....Thank God I got back safely....

Now my friend is going through some hard times, its very similar to what I went through and its reminding me of the past...Its just making things worse. I know what's going on with her but I duno what to tell to her, coz I know how it feels like being in her place now. Why now, why?

Man...................Sheren you've GOT to do your work!!!! No more excuses!!!!

You know what'll happen if you don't do it!!!

And again...

I'm still stucked with my work..

And something added to my tension list.

This is why things get delayed and problems not solved. No communication. Miss-communication is a problem, no communication at all is another problem. If I never, they won't tell. If I never do, it'll never get done and evryone ends up in a mess, including me.

I'm not a super girl or a saying-yes-to-everything robot. I have my limitations to. Why do people ALWAYS take me for granted.

And thus, I'm still stucked.

Hit right on the nail, but will it leave an impact?

I started reading Our Daily Bread again.

Today's passage is on Romans 8:12-18

Talks bouts hpw we need to put to death our flesh if we want our spirit to live. Or else, our spirit will die if we succumb to our flesh's needs.

What spoke to me the most is the last 2 verses; 17 and 18

"....if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. 18: I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us."

I have some kind of struggle with my flesh and my spirit. My flesh: procrastination, laziness, sleepiness, disappointment, sadness, fear and anxiety, and etc. One way, it may sound pathetic to many. Another way, it may sound normal to others. But, the truth is, all of us feel this very often, and many thing it is ok coz its something everyone goes through. But is it REALLY ok?

What bout the spirit?

It wants time with God, to talk to Him, listen to Him, and do His will, lead a life pleasing to Him. Be everything that He is. So, how can flesh and spirit go hand in hand? It can't. One has to die so that the other lives. Easy said but not easy done.

I need to put my flesh to death. How?

Determination and faith I guess. Through prayer, reading the Word and fasting. Its not easy. It really isn't. But nothing is impossible unto Him, who created me, loves me, and promised to be with me always.

I know I always do this, say this and that, but in the end, it comes to no good results. I jus need a breakthrough. How long am I gonna say all this and have no changes at all. What Yong Guang share last Saturday was really true. Our seed has fallen on many different types of grounds, which makes it harder for us to have good yielding fruits. But then again, nothing is impossible unto Him. Faith+work=success

Another day...

I woke up late again today. Woke up at 12.30pm. Not a good thing at all. I'm not proud with myself for doing that. Not happy. Disappointed, very disappointed. Was hoping to wake up early, do my devotions, and start my work. Yesterday I only managed to finish one. Very disappointed with myself. I was so afraid this will happen again. And it did happen. Its already Tuesday, and seeing the list of things I've got to do, I'm freaking out. All of it I MUST I NEED to finish it as soon as possible. So much of work yet so little time. I tried starting on my work, but I'm stuck coz' I don't even have the full list of questions. Asking around if my friends have it; either they don't have or either they never reply. How now Sheren, how?

I have the numbers of all my course mates, should I text each one of them and ask? I've asked some. And some, I don't think they brought back the questions with them. Its CNY anyway.

Man, I'm really freaking out, and to make things worse, I don't know why I feel so stucked and don't seem to be able to do my work.

How.....?

Sheren, you MUST start somewhere, only then you'll get it going. Stop thinking bout unnecessary stuff.

I don't know if this helps, but just felt like letting it out. Not like anyone gonna read it. I guess......

Actually, I really got so much to let out. But its ok la, save ot for some other time.

For now, get back to work.

Sheren....sheren...sheren.....

I have SO much of things to do but can't even start on one thing.......................

This is NOT good..........

My mind is getting diverted...........

Didn't even wake up early as how I wanted too...............

Am bored again...(supposed to be posted last nite...lol)

I'm really feeling very bored...no appetite to eat and just feel so lonely...don't even fel like doing my work...Well, I really hope that I'll start doing my work tomorrow and don't end up procrastinating again....I'll be in a deep mess if I procrastinate this semester...

Just don't feel like doing anything at all. Still wish I can go back to Taiping, though I know that not possible.

I think I'll just go to sleep now and pray that I'll wake up early, and start my day and week by being a good girl, start doing my assignments and work one by one and prayfully I can finish everything by Wednesday... Its actually alot of work I have. But since I'm just gonna be here, might as well I strive and work hard to finish everything as soon as possible and I can be free after that right? That, is not impossible. I can onl do all things with Christ who strenghtens me la. Amen.

Hope it doesn't just end up as words stated here but it'll come to pass. I need motivation though.

But for now, I'm off to bed.

What I intended to write and what it ends up with....

I'm bored now.

So, I guess in a way its good coz' I'm blogging a gain.

Well, let's talk about today's CF. It was only four of us to. Haha. Cheryl, Daniel, Robin, and me. None of the friends I called came. Its ok.

What's more interesting is, all the other 3 were Sarawakians and were having a good time speaking in their Iban language. It was fun for me hearing them speak though. Managed to learn some Iban words. Nice....

So what did we do...Watch movie together; The Second Chance, starring Michael W. Smith

Let's talk about the movie, coz the movie actually reminded me of what was going on back in ym hometown church, which is really sad.

Well, what was potrayed in the movie was definitely through. Many people would wanna be seen as those who are concerned about those in need and wanna be seen as givers. They can be REALLY generous at giving when it's in public (though not all) And to just keep their hands clean, they'll just give money and things and think that they've contributed. Well, people, that not ALL and ONLY thing that those people in need require. These people; orphans, older people, special-abled people, sick people, and etc want your care, love and time most importantly. They don't really give a damn about your money. How do I know this? I've been around the less fortunate kids for a few years, helping my mum taking care of them, who are actually in a home/care centre under my church.

The sad part is, my mum, who has been taking care of each one of them since the first day the care centre was opened is now on 3 months paid leave. Why? I would say she got sabotaged. By who? The people who don't know any single thing about the home and who think they're in charge and have the authority to give orders to my mum just because they have money. I mean what the heck la? These people can't even remember all the kids names. Trust me. I know. I've been there more than anyone else has, except my mum and minus the time I've been in Sabah.

Another sad part is, the kids, those whom my mom took care of ever since they're small, made stories about her. Not all, but I can daringly say, mostly, and in fact, I think I can guess who started and who's in it. And yea, I'm saying stories coz I can know what they must have told. Yes, my mum beats and scolds them. They're kids for goodness sake. Even the Bible says you can't keep away the rod from them if you wanna make sure they grow up well trained. My mum brought us up the same way. Well, fine if people gonna say that its different,their not her own-blood-kids, bla bla bla. I can't deny my mum did some mistakes too. Wel, duh! She's not perfect! But honestly, my mum did ALOT for them. She didn't even have time with her own family la.

Whatever it is, isn't this a little too much???

I don't wanna talk more on this la. Mke my blood boil ni.

Just pray that these people's eyes will be opened and they'll realise what and where they're going wrong. But whatever it is, I believe it won't take the pain that my mum is going through now. How I wish I'm at home now with her.

What I intended to write and what it ends up with.... anyway, time to go to bed. Coz I think I'm still bored.....hmmm

Just another one to let out what's in my heart...

Finally, I have another post.

Two reasons why I haven't been posting anything new for quite some time: BUSY, and lazy...lol

Anyway, this past 1 week has been a quite bad one for me. Today I feel the most of the whole week. I wasn't supposed to be in my room now, onlining and googling for free movie downloads.

Had plans, but all shattered. Can't blame anyone though, didnt see it coming. But I can't deny that I am dissapointed. Been waiting for this day for quite some time and was so excited. But yea, who knows what can happen when. Its so unpredictable. Its also about prioritizing. What's important comes first. Its also about responsibility, which comes above our own heart's desires. And we, on the other side, should be supporting and encouraging our friends who are facing hard times. That's what friends are for right?

Next week is the mid semester break/Chinese New Year break. My cf friends all will be away. Really all of them. Room mates, still around. But what's the use, not really close to one another (miss the environment we use to have with the old roomies) Other friends are around, but same thing la, not close to any, so whenever I ajak them out, mostly got plans d. I understand oso la. Mostly are in a relationship. So of course they wanna spend time with their partners. Lol.

This is the time when I always feel quite lonely. I mean, I really do have lots of friends. Really alot. But none close ones. Use to have some. But due to my own hectic schedule, the closeness started having some gap. Can't blame them for that.

What hurts me most at times is, those people who be nice to me JUST coz' they need my help. Well, you don't have to pretend being my friend if that's the only thing you want from me. Just ask, and I'll help you. No problem with me. Sometimes I really wonder; is it better to have many friends and be close to none or have few but close friends? I guess I fall in the 1st category. And sometimes, it feels good. Most of the time, it doesnt.

Not that NONE of my friends are close to me. Some are, they really are. But then I feel like they just pity me...lol....so pathetic of me...

Anyway, the week has been quite a rough week for me. One part with the problem my mum going through. One part with my money not refunded yet and my account is zero. One part, the shattered plans. One part the workload that I have. Quite tough. The biggest struggle, I feel very speechless when I try to have a chat with God. Just don't know what to say and how to say things. One reason, I feel ashamed and afraid. One reason, its like I'm just giving up.

Some people, actually MOST people will just say that Sheren only knows how to complain and be very negative. But trust me, I don't think I'm complaining and being negative. If I am, I've already given up LONG time ago...But I'm still holding on to Him, still trying be very positive, still trying be strong and do what I can. Haven't even had tears rolling down....yet... (that one maybe because haven't really had a time me alone in the room. I can't really cry in front of people)

Oh wait, I DID cry. When I got to know about the problem my mum facing now...wishing I can go back n be with her.

But yea, I believe these are all a part of the struggles in life that ALL of us have to go through. Sometimes I feel its pure nonsense that God uses these kind of things to test us and make us strong. But God always tells us to rely on Him and on Him alone. Am I really rellying on Him yet?Maybe that's what God is trying tell me....And I belive God is actuallly speaking to me now.

Well, this is something I need/am telling God.

Dear God,

Sorry for being so much into relying on my own strength and knowledge in doing things. Sorry for neglecting You many times, again. Sorry foe the wrongdoings. Sorry for every single thing Lord.

I trully need Your strength and wisdom. I can't do all these things on my own. Its too much and I'm too weak. Well, there's alot more I wanna talk to You about. Lets do it personally :)

Love You, Lord.

-Sheren-