My Goal

Dear blog,

This is quite random. I was studying. I just realized, again, that if I actually REALLY study, I CAN do well, VERY well actually. Why am I more concerned with and about other things than studying and scoring the best I can? I got a 'slap' in church on Sunday. Put me to deep thoughts. Why have I been like this always. Responsibilities and commitments are not a burden. In fact, its something I WANT to do; for many reasons. I don't blame it at all when I don't do well in my studies. Others should not as well. Well, those and these responsibilities and commitment are there for a reason. And I don't give priority for any. Blame me when I don't do well. Blame me when I forget to do something or forget to finish something. Blame me, ME, when something goes wrong. Not my responsibilities and commitments. Especially serving God. Serving God is not a co-curricular activity darling. Serving Him, its just my passion. He's my dad. I'm His daughter. How can I not do anything for Him? What I should be scolded for is not doing my best in my studies. Blame ME for that. My problem I see is, my time management. I'm still very bad at it. And I get worried too much, still. Though I keep reading the book of Matthew on that part bout getting worried, I STILL get worried for every single thing. I realize that to a certain extend, I am a perfectionist too. I have expectations. I don't think its wrong. I think it at least pushes me in doing something. How I wish I have the same HIGH expectations in every single thing. Or I'm just having too many things to do? I don't know. I need to learn to put my trust in others too. Their capabilities, their gifts, their help,their concern. Or maybe I do but I sympathize them and don't want to burden them with so many things or maybe I'm being too kind and trying help anyone in any way I can. If I do that, its because I believe in the Golden Rule. And also because some people DO that for me too. So I give what I get. I may not be perfect. But I try my best to do my best I what I can do because in certain things, I just can't be THAT good at it. After all, I'm just a normal average girl. Am I not?

What was intended to be short became long, as usual. I just wanted to tell you Blog, that I have this one main goal. But its not really that goal I'm thinking about now. Its the sub-goal in the main goal that I keep thinking about for past few days.

I don't wanna tell it directly. Not because I'm afraid of not being able to achieve it or anything like that. Maybe next time k? But this goal, I MUST, I HAVE to, I NEED to, I sure can achieve. Because I'm totally relying and depending on Him. I'm helpless without Him. And through Him too, I'll be able to do it, and for Him, i'll testify about it when I've achieved it; just to glorify His name and to be a living testimony for Him. Its really not easy. In fact, with my naked eyes and helpless strength, I won't be able to achieve it. But I have Him; my Father. He'll give me what I want, and this is something I need. It'll take effort; quite a sum. And it'll also take faith; in Him alone.

THAT'S my goal. My one sub-goal from the main goal.

I need to continue studying Bloggy.

I love you Father..... =)

Sh3r3N