3 posts in a day. I know. But I really wanted say this. I need to say this. And before that, I broke my words again (I'm trying to lessen the usage of the word promise...)
I told I'll study at 9 right? I didn't. Not that I won't. But haven't. Why? I finished putting up my frustration here just now. Then, made coffee, was eating some light stuff with my coffee (I don't like coffee, just drinking it coz' that's the only thing I have besides water and I need it to stay awake tonight) and I clicked on Prison Break. Watched 2 episodes. Finished. Decided to see my FB updates, and later after this, my mail inbox, see if there's any reply on my job applications, which reminds me I'm supposed to update my cv/resume coz I need that to apply for the writer's post. Need to do it ASAP. Tomorrow, after back from prayer meeting. So haven't studied. Will definitely do it. I know this shows clearly how I can keep up to my words, and how I am as a great procrastinator, and my level of laziness. I know. Maybe that's why someone just treat me like how they treating me now. Who's fault. Mine. Sorry, Lord. I disappointed You, yet again. I'm not portraying you in my life. Sorry.
But now, this thing is really disturbing me. Why do people actually say sorry? I should know this better. Coz' I'm the queen of sorry. I can say sorry 1001 times in a day, which I realise also makes people to take me for granted and also take advantage of my lightheartedness. Let them be. I don't see it as anything wrong to say sorry when I did anything wrong or if I felt sorry for people. But, at least I mean it when I say sorry and I know why I am saying sorry. Meaning, I'm actually being honest when I say sorry. But why some people just take that word as granted and say sorry even when they don't mean it or when they don't even know why they're saying sorry? Its not like its gonna make any difference, you know. Like when can't see and don't know when you mean it and when you don't. It sometimes makes you feel even worse. First, you're hurt, then you feel disappointed. Just don't say anything when you don't even get it. Let time heal everything by itself.
You know, during my school days, and sometimes even now, when ever my friends (the very close ones) and me have any misunderstanding or argument, we don't talk bout it, coz' we know it'll just make things worse. And we also don't act childish like other typical teen girls who won't talk to each other for ages and sulk and make other friends to hate and not talk to those friends whom they have misunderstanding with. We still hang out together, but we don't say much. We take some time to get over it, and in no time, we're like how we always used to be. Not healthy for some. We don't care, I don't care. Coz' what's best, is that we don't use that to bring a gap in between us. And we totally forget bout it. Seriously. Even my brother and me do that sometimes. And its really the best. Instead of talking about it when we know very well that no matter what, we're still gonna disagree with one another and just mess things up.
So, actually, I know my post is long again, but I just wanna say, don't say sorry when you don't mean it and don't say sorry when you don't even know why you saying it. It doesn't help but just makes things worse.
Love,
Sherendarling
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