hey hey (though i know no one reads my blog :p)
I'm back. after nearly two months. doesn't seem like two months though. time flies so fast.
many things happened.
i don't really know where to start, what to say, how to say.
so many incidents. so many thoughts. so many heart aches, problems. joy too, thought not that very significant or prominent.
many things, really many things (I'm like speechless)
my bad for not updating my blog. well, the updates are for me, personally, to ponder back at everything that happens in my life. may bad, i lost track.
well, i blame myself, totally for that. too many hindrances, which i believe, and i realize, i invited them in, though i pray (at times, for God to help me to avoid those hindrances from blocking the things that i wanna do, i admit that i become stubborn, nearly always and go against what God is doing to try to help me. (sorry God)
why I'm blogging now?
too many things running in my mind now. Good things. I'm really having butterflies in my stomach now. I can feel that something is gonna happen. something is gonna take place. though i don't know what it is exactly and when it'll happen. i know it'll happen. why the butterflies? coz' i think its the breakthrough I've always prayed and hoped and wished for. I'm already 22. wasted a lot of time in my life d. when am i gonna get serious? when am i gonna do something good? something real and meaningful in my life? and in others life? i wanna be an impact. i wanna leave a mark. be a legacy. not for myself or for my name sake. for Him. all for Him. man, He loves me so very much. i know that. and I've been a very disobedient child to Him. many think that I'm good, I'm this, I'm that. but deep inside me, i know I'm not. I'm like a rotten egg. which God is trying to bring life to again. which He is trying to renew and make it a fresh one. but the problem, I've been and am really very stubborn. I feel guilty bout that. so, when is it gonna happen.
you know, I've been thinking. God is actually answering me, helping me out. He is. He really is. problem: I'm not sensitive enough in hearing Him. and I've been stubborn and keep doing what i know i shouldn't be doing. all this while. been years. I'm the one who is pulling myself into trouble and hardship. can't always blame mr. s.a. tan for that u know. u know why? coz' God is ALWAYS with me. s.a. tan is too small compared to my Jesus.
i can feel it, He's even with me now. this butterflies-in-my-stomach feeling, is like how you feel like being in love. falling in love. that's what I'm feeling now. heart beating so fast. anxious. nervous. kinda hard to describe.
you know, i wanna do something. well, I've been wanting to do it for a long time. but never worked out, not even once. this time, by His grace and help, by faith, I'll be able to do it, follow it through, and accomplish it. not just some of the things. ALL of it.
what? i want to do my bucket list again. my wish list. the 1st thing in the list....haha :) its between God, me and unfortunately mr. s.a. tan. well, it's a good thing he knows bout it too. let him see the passion i have for my Jesus. to do what Jesus did 2000+ years ago. i'm gonna do the same thing. and there's nothing he can do to stop me or to bring me down or to discourage me. though he tried many times ( i know u did devil) but this time, its not gonna work. not a single bit. coz my lovely beloved and awesome Jesus is with me. and He'll protect me and give me strength to go through everything. and u can't do anything bout it. nyeh nyeh nyeh :p
so, where was i... my wish list. yup, i'm gonna do it. and commit it to Him. His will be done. i'm doing it for him after all...
if He can take up the cross, die on the cross for each one of us, u n me and everyone else, why can't we do the same? besides, He's gonna help us go through it. how much have we suffered for His sake? God didn't promise blue skies without any grey clouds. He didn't say that life is gonna be easy. but He did promise us that He'll be with us, holding our hands and walk with us every single step in our life's journey. so, why worry.
yea, why worry sheren?
stop putting your burdens and trust and relying on man. God is there. He's waiting to listen to us. He's the best in listening. He is the one who gave us our life and or daily breath. rely on Him, He wants us too.
I've always been doing the mistake of always turning to men and relying on then when i have problems and go through hard times. always. and when men turn me down, then only i turn to God. I'm sorry, God. and with this attitude, i've been a very bad testimony for people, especially those still in darkness. sorry again God.
yes, yes. this is another one of those times where i get all fired up and excited bout Him and serving Him and doing my best in everything for Him. will this continue? I put my trust and faith in Him. He'll help me with this. i now have 4 more major assignments to complete. due: tuesday, thursday, and next week. progress till now? none, bad, very bad. can i do it and finish it on time? by faith, yes. Philippians 4 :14 - I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me. amen.
hope to update my blog more often instead of wasting time on fb (good thing i deactivated it, that'll be for till i finish my finals and finish with the kudat mission trip.
oh, i'll post something about the upcoming kudat mission trip one of these day, and i'll include reuben's message in it. great help. this brother, he's one of God strongest army i would say. learnt alot from him, quietly. hope to learn more in time to come. and also for others to learn from me, for His name sake. amen
see what i'm gonna do now.... do something bout my work progress.
finally, before i sign out * I love you Jesus, sorry for disappointing u a thousand and one times, or even more. help me out, Dad. You alone can do that. no one else. muackzzz.*
-sheren-
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