To Let It Out

I wanted to blog for quite a long time ago but I didn't want to end up complaining and being very negative. So, I didn't blog.

This too, I want to keep it short, and it will be short.

Problem is, I had plans, not things I wanted to do, but the things I needed to do. Its different. It wasn't working well from the start. And as I feared, its not going on well and I don't have to wait to know its not going to end well too. Disappointed? Yes, with myself. I don't feel regret. Because at least I tried. Maybe I didn't try hard enough. Sometimes I'm clueless. How to do? How to start?

Anyway, I just hope at least what I needed, I will get it. If that's not meant for me, then, please Lord, show me the alternatives. Or maybe He is showing me and I'm not able to see. Too many doubts in me I guess?

Christians and Urban Legends

Another post that is not originally mine, but I find it very interesting and makes me think. And I know I would want to read it again; so I'm posting it out here, on my blog. Have a read.

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Christians and Urban Legends

Dennis Bratcher

It never ceases to amaze me how gullible some people are when something they hear fits with a set of prejudices or deeply held opinions. Unfortunately, this seems to apply even more so to Christians especially when it comes to certain theological ideas such as end times speculation, religion and politics, science and religion, or some specific ethical issues such as the role of women in society or the church, abortion, or homosexuality. Sadly, most of these ideas fall into the realm of “folk theology.” That is, there is very little sound theology about them and are mostly a concoction of beliefs drawn from popular imagination, writings, fears, prejudices, and simply what people want to believe for various reasons.

Then, when they hear something that supports any of those ideas, they accept it uncritically. In fact, there are many Christians who either cruise the internet seeking for such material to support their ideas (and there is plenty available on a myriad of agenda websites!) or they are part of a personal communication network whereby they receive such material from friends and acquaintances. And as part of the phenomenon of modern preoccupation with instant communication, they themselves feel compelled to pass it on to others as proof of their ideas. So, folk theology and sometimes outlandish claims about most everything from biblical prophecy to rumors about presidential candidates get passed around by well-meaning Christians as if it were the truth of the matter.

And all of this is done without ever checking any of the facts as to their accuracy, or the origin of the material, or without asking critical questions about whether it is reasonable or even if sound theology lies behind it. In many cases, it would take very little effort at all to do a little fact checking to debunk such material. There are a lot of websites that debunk such rumors and claims that circulate in this manner, collectively called “urban legends” (for example, Snopes). And yet these urban legends and folk theology keep getting passed around among Christians, often with pronouncements of the judgment of God on unbelievers. Such rumor mongering and fear mongering does nothing but make Christians look foolish and undermines the credibility of the church. On a personal level, such implausible reinforcement of sometimes outlandish opinions prevents individual Christians from growing spiritually and actually learning new perspectives beyond their own ideas. These “proofs” of their beliefs only become a way to inoculate them from any other truth.

Of course, as human beings we are all susceptible to filtering things we hear through our own perceptions. No one is totally immune to the phenomenon of selective hearing or reading. But we all have a responsibility, especially as Christians, to strive earnestly to get all the facts, to process all the evidence, and not jump too hastily to conclusions with which we already agree. That means at the very least developing a habit of deferring conclusions until we have had a chance to check facts and think through different aspects of an issue. Most certainly that means refraining from spreading rumors or "information" that we are not sure about simply because it fits with what we already think.

With the war in Iraq and the obsessive, almost rabid, preoccupation with certain aspects of that war in blending politics with theology, the urban legends, especially those that connect current events with biblical prophecy, are growing exponentially. We seem to have forgotten that the same thing happened during the First Gulf War. TV preachers like Jack van Impe, and many others who published a plethora of books, working from spurious facts and flawed biblical interpretation declared almost with glee the beginning of the end times. And yet none, none of what they predicted as unfolding biblical prophecy worked out as they said.

Still, the urban legends persist. They continue to be repeated as proof of the Bible, God, certain theological views, or the righteousness of certain political opinions, without much concern for good biblical interpretation, sound theology, and a little plain old ordinary truthfulness of facts.

For example, the following began as a chain letter and is now circulating via the internet and e-mail. I have seen it quoted on numerous Christian web sites, and repeated in various forms by word of mouth as if everything in it were the truth. Besides some of it simply being false, there are a great many assumptions about God and the Bible at work here that are not sound Christian theology.

IRAQ - VERY INTERESTING - DID YOU KNOW?

1. The garden of Eden was in Iraq
2. Mesopotamia, which is now Iraq, was the cradle of civilization
3. Noah built the ark in Iraq.
4. The Tower of Babel was in Iraq.
5. Abraham was from Ur, which is in Southern Iraq!
6. Isaac's wife Rebekah is from Nahor, which is in Iraq.
7. Jacob met Rachel in Iraq.
8. Jonah preached in Nineveh - which is in Iraq.
9. Assyria, which is in Iraq, conquered the ten tribes of Israel.
10. Amos cried out in Iraq!
11. Babylon, which is in Iraq, destroyed Jerusalem.
12. Daniel was in the lion's den in Iraq!
13. The three Hebrew children were in the fire in Iraq
(Jesus had been in Iraq also as the fourth person in the fiery furnace!)
14. Belshazzar, the King of Babylon saw the "writing on the wall" in Iraq.
15. Nebuchadnezzar, King of Babylon, carried the Jews captive into Iraq.
16. Ezekiel preached in Iraq
17. The wise men were from Iraq.
18. Peter preached in Iraq.
19. The "Empire of Man" in Revelation is called Babylon, which a city in Iraq!

And you have probably seen this one. Israel is the nation most often mentioned in the Bible. But do you know which nation is second? It is Iraq! However, that is not the name that is used in the Bible. The names used in the Bible are Babylon, Land of Shinar, and Mesopotamia. The word Mesopotamia means between the two rivers, more exactly between the Tigris and Euphrates Rivers. The name Iraq, means country with deep roots.

Indeed Iraq is a country with deep roots and is a very significant country in the Bible. No other nation, except Israel, has more history and prophecy associated it than Iraq.

And also... This is something to think about! Since America is typically represented by an eagle. Saddam should have read up on his Muslim passages...

The following verse is from the Koran, (the Islamic Bible)

Koran (9:11) - For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah and lo, while some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced; for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah; and there was peace.

(Note the verse number!) Hmmmmmmm?! God Bless you all Amen !

I BETTER NOT HEAR OF ANYONE BREAKING THIS ONE OR SEE DELETED This is a ribbon for soldiers fighting in Iraq. Pass it on to everyone and pray. Something good will happen to you tonight at 11:11 PM. This is not a joke. Someone will either call you or will talk to you online and say that they love you. Do not break this chain. Send this to 13 people in the next 15 minutes. Go.

I find it sad and a little disheartening that people so easily believe stuff like this, let alone that they think it is something about which to be excited or concerned. I am continually amazed that some people take this kind of thing seriously. As the concluding warnings and “promises” indicate, this is nothing more than magical thinking that borders on the pagan. It is certainly not Christian. That renders any truth in the rest of it of no value to Christians. And there is very little truth to any of it. Like The Omega Code and The DaVinci Code, anyone can find “hidden” correspondences between anything if they know where they want to end up before they start. And this does not even deal with the fact that this approach rather badly misunderstands Scripture.

First, we might note that Iraq did not exist as a country before 1932. It was one of the countries created from the breakup of the Ottoman Turkish Empire following WWI. The area that includes much of the Middle East from Turkey to Egypt went under French and British mandate following the war, and was gradually carved into modern countries and sheikdoms largely for administrative and political purposes, and to serve the interests of Western countries.

Here is a more detailed analysis of this particular urban legend as it became blended with a lot of folk theology to illustrate how a few facts can be distorted and twisted when mixed with misinformation, assumption, prejudice, and outright falsehood.

1. The garden of Eden was in Iraq.

False. No one knows where the Garden of Eden was. The Bible nowhere gives a location for it other than “in the East.” Of course, where that is depends on where one starts. From Israel, that could be anywhere from Arabia to China. But since Israel does not yet exist in Genesis 2, there is no guarantee that “east” is from Israel.

Further, this assumes that “east” is a geographical comment. In many cases in the Old Testament, such simple indications of direction or location are far more symbolic than they are geographical. “East” is often a way to speak of threat or failure, and coming "from the East" is a way to talk about hope and possibility. Note that when Adam and Eve are driven from the garden they go to the east. Cain must live in the east as punishment for killing his brother. When Lot separates from Abram, he moves to the east. Abraham sent his other sons (besides Isaac) to the east country. There are other examples that all suggest that “east” is not a geographical location as much as it is a way of talking about failure or promise.

Some have suggested that since Eden is mentioned in Scripture along with the Tigris and Euphrates rivers this clearly locates Eden in Iraq.

2:10 A river flows out of Eden to water the garden, and from there it divides and becomes four branches. 2:11 The name of the first is Pishon; it is the one that flows around the whole land of Havilah, where there is gold; 2:12 and the gold of that land is good; bdellium and onyx stone are there. 2:13 The name of the second river is Gihon; it is the one that flows around the whole land of Cush. 2:14 The name of the third river is Tigris, which flows east of Assyria. And the fourth river is the Euphrates.

Several things need to be noted here.

a) There is only one river in Eden. It is only when it flows out of Eden that it divides and “from there” becomes four rivers. That would suggest, if we are dealing with physical description here, that Eden was described as being located at the head waters of the two rivers, which would place Eden somewhere in the mountains of Armenia or Southern Turkey south or east of the Black Sea.

b) The geographical location for the Tigris is not clear since the Tigris runs through the middle of ancient Assyria, not to its east. It is possible that only the city of Asshur, the 15th century BC capital of ancient Assyria, is meant. But that raises an entirely different problem of chronology since that city would not exist for several thousand years after the setting of the Genesis account.

c) The identity of Pishon is uncertain. Pishon only occurs here in the Old Testament. It is associated with “the land of Havilah” and that area along with Ophir, a near legendary source of gold, is mentioned elsewhere in the Old Testament as being in Arabia (Gen 10:7, 29, 25:18, 1 Sam 15:7, 1 Ch 1:9, 23). That suggests that Pishon may be located generally in the area of Arabia. It may refer to the Persian Gulf, the Red Sea or more narrowly the Gulf of Aqaba or the Gulf of Suez, the River of Egypt (Wadi el-Arish), or some unknown river in Arabia.

d) The identity of Gihon is likewise uncertain. It is mentioned as flowing around the area of Cush. Elsewhere in the Old Testament Cush refers to the area of Northern Africa generally from Ethiopia to eastern Egypt (for example, 2 Chron 16:8, Psa 68:31; in most cases modern English translation of cush is “Ethiopia”). That suggests that Gihon refers to the Nile. In some genealogies, Cush is the father of Nimrod, who is the ancestral founder of Nineveh, the later Assyrian capital. That suggests connections between north Africa and Mesopotamia, at least on the level of relationships between peoples. However, it gives us no geographical information.

e) Large rivers like these do not usually divide; they usually come together to form larger rivers. Some have suggested that this places Eden near the mouth of the four rivers where they empty into the Persian Gulf. This would place Eden somewhere near Bahrain, or on one of the islands in the Persian Gulf.

f) All of this assumes that the description of Eden is to be taken literally and is accurate in its geographical description. That evokes a certain view of Scripture that raises several questions. Why would Eden be described in terms of general geographic landmarks known to the Israelites in 1200 BC when the time setting of the story is many thousands of years earlier? Would that not suggest that the ancient Hebrews and Israelites were describing Eden in terms of locations with which they were already familiar? Is it at least possible that the ancient Israelites did not know ancient Near Eastern geography precisely, so that they were roughly bounding an area rather than giving precise and literal descriptions? How would they know the precise geography, unless we posit a certain theory of biblical inspiration and then use that theory as a basis for interpreting the material rather than using what we actually have in the biblical text from which to work?

g) The best conclusion that we can reach from the evidence is that we have no idea within a thousand miles and two continents what location is being described in Genesis 2. Maybe that is the point of the description, not to locate Eden at all but rather to place it somewhere within the immediate known world of the Ancient Near East.

h) It seems that the description of Eden is intended to locate it generally within a world with which the ancient Israelites were familiar, yet without precision. Since we have no way to identify precisely the location from the description, it seems that any interpretation of the Bible that depends on such precise location is pointless and driven by other agendas than sound biblical interpretation.

2. Mesopotamia, which is now Iraq, was the cradle of civilization!

False, or at least debatable. This was the consensus of early historians, and was taught as the truth in schools until the past few decades. However, recent archaeological and anthropological research now suggest that the first human civilization originated in central Africa in the rift valleys and in northwest Africa in the area of Nigeria. And even if it were true that Mesopotamia is “the cradle of civilization,” I do not see the significance or the relevance to any interpretation of the Bible in relation to modern Iraq.

3. Noah built the ark in Iraq.

False. Nowhere in the biblical account of the flood does it state where the ark was built.

4. The Tower of Babel was in Iraq.

Partly True. The biblical story only talks about the territory of Babel (along with Erech and Accad, from the later Akkadians, 2400 BC) and locates it in the Plain of Shinar (from the ancient Sumerians, 3500-1900 BC), which is roughly the territory between the Tigris and Euphrates Rivers. Those two rivers run from southeastern Turkey and western Syria to the Persian Gulf bordered by Iran and Kuwait, quite a distance. While there is no direct historical link of Babel in Genesis 11 to Babylonia, the city of Erech and the area of Akkad are thought to be located toward the southern end of the Tigris-Euphrates valley. This would place Babel in what in now southern Iraq. However, it could be further to the north. However, the significance of this in this context likewise eludes me.

In any case this neglects the theological dimension of the narrative in Genesis 11, written long after the events described there after Babylon had already become a symbol for chaos and arrogant rejection of God.

5. Abraham was from Ur, which is in Southern Iraq!

Partially True. The ruins of Ur are located in what is now southern Iraq. However, while this was Abraham’s ancestral home, something important in the ancient world, he is often referenced in the biblical narratives as being from Haran in the region of Aram, far to the north in what is now Turkey. Terah took his family and left Ur very early in the biblical narratives. Abraham received his call from God in Genesis 12:4 at Haran. Note that Deuteronomy 26:5 says that “my father” (referring to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob) was “a wandering Aramean.” The city of Ur has only marginal significance in the biblical narratives.

6. Isaac's wife Rebekah is from Nahor, which is in Iraq.

Partially True. First, we need to note that in most of the early patriarchal narratives, people and places are interchangeable. Abraham was from Haran, yet that was also his brother’s name. His other brother was Nahor. This suggests that we cannot make too much of geographical names in the early narratives.

The city itself is not specifically named; it is only given as “the city of Nahor.” The location of this city is unknown. The biblical reference only places it in Aram-naharayim, “Aram of the Two Rivers.” The assumption is that this would be the ancestral home near Ur, but the reference is only to the general area of the Tigris and Euphrates rivers. Again, I fail to see any significance to this other than the fact that it was the ancient custom to marry within tribes, which would require returning to the ancestral homeland for a wife. Nothing is made in any of these biblical narratives of any particular significance of the geographical location.

7. Jacob met Rachel in Iraq.

False. Jacob went to the territory of Aram, specifically Paddam-aram, which is the area around Haran in southern Turkey and northern Syria. Laban, Rachael’s father, is specifically said to live in Paddam-aram and is described as an Aramean. This is far to the north of present-day Iraq.

8. Jonah preached in Nineveh - which is in Iraq.

Partially True. Ninevah was the capital of the Assyrian empire in the eighth and seventh centuries BC, which occupied the upper reaches of the Tigris-Euphrates valley, partially in modern Iraq and partially in southern Turkey. The ruins of the city lie near Mosul in far northern Iraq. However, Assyrian territory extended beyond the border of present-day Iraq.

9. Assyria, which is in Iraq, conquered the ten tribes of Israel.

Partially True. Assyria did conquer the northern ten tribes in 721 BC. But as noted above, the Assyrian Empire lay only partially in what is now Iraq, reaching further north than the present boundaries of Iraq.

10. Amos cried out in Iraq!

False. Amos proclaimed his message in the northern kingdom of Israel. There is no mention of him ever visiting any area outside Judah and Israel. There is not even a record of his pronouncing any prophetic word against either Assyria or Babylon.

11. Babylon, which is in Iraq, destroyed Jerusalem. . . .

True but misleading. All of these references to Babylon as being in Iraq are misleading at best. Iraq covers a much larger or different area than did ancient Sumer, Akkad, Assyria, or Babylon. It is virtually meaningless to try to identify any and every mention of Babylon in the Old Testament as being in Iraq, especially since Iraq has only been in existence for 70 years or so, and in some sense is a totally “artificial” country created by the demands of 20th century politics.

12. Daniel was in the lion's den in Iraq!

See #11.

13. The three Hebrew children were in the fire in Iraq

See #11.

(Jesus had been in Iraq also as the fourth person in the fiery furnace!

False. To identify the figure in the furnace as Jesus is anachronistic. There is no Jesus named anywhere in the Old Testament. It is only byinterpretation that we get any references to or about Jesus in the Old Testament, and those are always colored by certain theological slants.

Also, the construction of this verse in Daniel 3:25 in Aramaic does not specifically imply “the son of God.” It is an idiomatic phrase that emphasizes resemblance. Note the NRSV translation: “. . . and the fourth has the appearance of a god.” The implication in this context is that the presence of God was with the three Hebrew men, an important point to make to a king who has presented himself as a god to be worshipped.

14. Belshazzar, the King of Babylon saw the "writing on the wall" in Iraq.

See #11.

15. Nebuchadnezzar, King of Babylon, carried the Jews captive into Iraq.

See #11.

16. Ezekiel preached in Iraq.

See #11. It is not at all clear from the Book of Ezekiel that he is actually in Babylon, although it is likely.

17. The wise men were from Iraq.

False. The biblical text never says where the Magi were from beyond saying that they came “from the East.” See # 1 on the biblical symbolism of "the East."

18. Peter preached in Iraq.

False. There is no mention of Peter visiting this area.

19. The "Empire of Man" described in Revelation is called Babylon, which was a city in Iraq!

See #11.

And you have probably seen this one. Israel is the nation most often mentioned in the Bible. But do you know which nation is second? It is Iraq! However, that is not the name that is used in the Bible. The names used in the Bible are Babylon, Land of Shinar, and Mesopotamia. The word Mesopotamia means between the two rivers, more exactly between the Tigris and Euphrates Rivers. The name Iraq, means country with deep roots.

False. Egypt is mentioned almost three times as often in the Bible as is Babylon. See #11.

Indeed Iraq is a country with deep roots and is a very significant country in the Bible.

False. Iraq is never mentioned in the Bible, so can have no significance. See #11.

No other nation, except Israel, has more history and prophecy associated it than Iraq.

False. As noted, Egypt is mentioned far more often than Babylon. Israel has a far longer history with Egypt than with Babylon, since Babylon did not emerge until the fall of Assyria in 611 BC. In the NT, Babylon has become a symbol to talk about evil, and is used throughout the NT to refer to Rome, not to any country in the Middle East. “Babylon” throughout the Book of Revelation refers to Rome.

And also... This is something to think about! Since America is typically represented by an eagle. Saddam should have read up on his Muslim passages... The following verse is from the Koran, (the Islamic Bible) (Note the verse number!) Hmmmmmmm?! God Bless you all Amen !

Koran (9:11) - For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah and lo, while some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced; for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah; and there was peace.

False. This is a total hoax. From Snopes, a web site that debunks hoaxes and urban legends:

Claim: Quranic verse speaks of the "wrath of the Eagle cleansing the lands of Allah."

Status: False.

Example: [Collected on the Internet, 2003]

Quran (9:11) -- For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah and lo, while some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced; for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah; and there was peace.

Origins: No, this isn't a legitimate quotation from the Quran (or Koran), the sacred text of Islam. The chapter and verse citation quoted above is a leg-pull, an obvious play on the USA's (the Eagle) launching of military action against Afghanistan and Iraq (the "lands of Allah") in response to the September 11 terrorist attacks on America organized by Osama bin Laden (the "son of Arabia awakening a fearsome eagle"). That the chapter and verse selection match the date of the terrorist attacks (9:11) is another giveaway to the joke.

Depending upon which translation of the Quran one uses, the section corresponding to chapter 9, verse 11 actually reads something like this:

But if they repent and keep up prayer and pay the poor-rate, they are your brethren in faith; and We make the communications clear for a people who know.

This illustrates how strongly held opinions can be mixed with bad biblical interpretation, emotion, and ill-conceived theology to produce something that is essentially fiction. In fact, since it is being presented as a Christian biblical view it is worse than fiction; it is outright propaganda and most of it false at that. What makes that so bad is that too many Christians are not only believing this kind of material but are basing political and ethical responses on it.

All of this calls for much more careful critical evaluation of material that is circulated on the internet or by e-mail as the latest truth about world affairs, political candidates, or ethical issues. At the very least, Christians should approach such material with a large dose of skepticism. A better approach would be to get their basic biblical and theological information from more reputable sources than web sites and e-mail (and that includes this site; it was never intended that this site should provide information apart from the ministry of a church or local congregation).

It might also suggest the need for a great deal of humility in prayer seeking the guidance of God in developing opinions and attitudes, lest we end up doing harm to God and the Kingdom rather than living as a servant of God to others. If we are not careful, we may be spreading more darkness than we are spreading light.

Internet Sites for Hoaxes and Urban Legends:

VMyths: Computer security hysteria http://www.vmyths.com/

Scambusters: Internet Scams, Identity Theft, and Urban Legends http://www.scambusters.org/

Snopes: Urban Legends, Hoaxes, and Rumors http://www.snopes.com/snopes.asp

About.com: Urban Legends http://urbanlegends.about.com

"31 things I wish I'd known about dating when I was 21"

-Taken from MSN's lifestlye page-

At 31, dating blogger Erin Meanley looks back and shares 31 dating truths she wishes she had known ten years earlier when she was 21.

[Editor's note: Erin Meanley is the female half of the Glamour.com dating blog, Single-ish. This is an excerpt from that blog.]

I never realized how many opinions I have about dating. I've been dating so long I'm like an octogenarian who feels overly strong about what strawberries should cost or how children should act in public. Anyway, here are some things I've learned in my 31 years, and what I wish I'd known about dating ten years ago:

1. If you're confused about whether a guy likes you or not, that's probably not good. Confusion in romance belongs only in romantic comedies because it suspends the plot, but suspense in real life sucks. So try not to analyze the events. The truth will reveal itself without you having to do anything.

2. Sometimes guys flirt with you or pay attention to you because it makes them feel good about themselves. (Hey, we do it, too.)

3. Even a guy who will admit that you're better looking than him should still be able to tell you you're beautiful. If he holds back in order to control the situation, or to keep you, or keep you down, he's got issues.

4. Don't help him ask you out by texting him something nice or polite. I'm glad you're more outgoing and thoughtful than he is, but he doesn't want the help.

5. Guys want to get busy more than anything. They'll say anything to close the deal.

6. It's shocking how much guys will talk about marriage. Until there's a ring on your finger, it will be better for you if you pretend you're deaf.

7. It's better not to lift a finger in the beginning.

8. In the early stages, giving him presents is too much. Generosity looks desperate to guys. You may be a great shopper and gift-wrapper; it may be his birthday and you may be wild about birthdays — even still, he'll think you're just wild about him. Too wild.

9. Guys just do not think like girls. I wish I'd had a brother. Real boys are nothing like the boys in movies.

10. They might take a decade to mature. Don't hope they'll grow up or be ready in the next six months.

11. Even if your family thinks there's going to be a marriage, don't let them spoil your guy. Yes, he's grateful you gave him your car when he moved out of NYC, but he would rather have had to work for it.

12. Learn to cook. Learn to cook well. I see now that it would have won me a lot of points. A LOT.

13. Just because he might be smarter than you or more talented at certain things doesn't mean he's your servant and won't mind doing all your homework/research/chores.

14. Guys get resentful, too.

15. You're special, unique, and important, but you're not a princess — no matter what Daddy says (although for the record, my dad calls me "Erin").

16. It's okay to say no. It's more than okay. It's always okay. If he stops calling (and many, many, many will), you're only weeding out the guys who aren't truly interested in you as a person. Time saved!

17. Playing it safe guarantees you'll have more time and energy to think about your grades or your work. Less drama in your life will always be better and healthier for you.

18. You deserve to be treated like a human being.

19. Your wants and needs are just as important as his, and if you don't express them because you think it will scare him away, then you're saying you don't count as much as he does.

20. Even sophisticated people with professional jobs can have tempers or hit you or use foul language. I've known men who dressed like diplomats but they were ugly human beings.

21. You can't force chemistry. If you like him as a friend, the attraction might grow, but if it doesn't, don't force it. And don't waste his time.

22. Ease up on the sauce. Alcohol clouds your judgment.

23. No boyfriend-girlfriend relationship starts with a 1 a.m. booty text.

24. When a guy has taken you to Applebee's five times and you say you want to treat him, he'll be psyched. But secretly he'll freak out if you take him to Ruth's Chris, even just the one teeny time. Don't try to match him one Ruth's Chris for five Applebee's. Take him out, but go to T.G.I. Friday's.

25. Women love attention. A guy needs to be pretty crazy about you in order for him to pay enough attention to make you happy long-term.

26. My mom always said, "Men don't think." I thought she meant, "They are mistaken in their thoughts." But they're just not thinking anything at all. About you. They're watching the game. That's why they haven't called.

27. There should be a medium ground between workaholism and his absolute devotion. "The knight departing for new adventures offends his lady, yet she has nothing but contempt for him if he remains at her feet" (Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex, 658).

28. Never underestimate the quality of "interesting." Men want someone interesting. They really do. Find some hobbies.

29. What are you hoping to gain by hooking up with this guy? If the answer is "him," that's a bad deal for you. "The woman gives herself, the man adds to himself by taking her" (de Beauvoir 659).

30. Expectations? They'll ruin every dating experience you have.

31. You will never understand men. Just try to understand yourself.

Don't work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.

I read this in someone's note, and I just want to keep it too, so that I can read it again next time. Interesting, very interesting.

-----
Written by Adrian Tan, author of The Teenage Textbook (1988), was the guest-of-honour at a recent NTU convocation ceremony. This was his speech to the graduating class of 2008.
-----

I must say thank you to the faculty and staff of the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information for inviting me to give your convocation address. It’s a wonderful honour and a privilege for me to speak here for ten minutes without fear of contradiction, defamation or retaliation. I say this as a Singaporean and more so as a husband.

My wife is a wonderful person and perfect in every way except one. She is the editor of a magazine. She corrects people for a living. She has honed her expert skills over a quarter of a century, mostly by practising at home during conversations between her and me.

On the other hand, I am a litigator. Essentially, I spend my day telling people how wrong they are. I make my living being disagreeable.

Nevertheless, there is perfect harmony in our matrimonial home. That is because when an editor and a litigator have an argument, the one who triumphs is always the wife.

And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men: when you’ve already won her heart, you don’t need to win every argument.

Marriage is considered one milestone of life. Some of you may already be married. Some of you may never be married. Some of you will be married. Some of you will enjoy the experience so much, you will be married many, many times. Good for you.

The next big milestone in your life is today: your graduation. The end of education. You’re done learning.

You’ve probably been told the big lie that “Learning is a lifelong process” and that therefore you will continue studying and taking masters’ degrees and doctorates and professorships and so on. You know the sort of people who tell you that? Teachers. Don’t you think there is some measure of conflict of interest? They are in the business of learning, after all. Where would they be without you? They need you to be repeat customers.

The good news is that they’re wrong.

The bad news is that you don’t need further education because your entire life is over. It is gone. That may come as a shock to some of you. You’re in your teens or early twenties. People may tell you that you will live to be 70, 80, 90 years old. That is your life expectancy.

I love that term: life expectancy. We all understand the term to mean the average life span of a group of people. But I’m here to talk about a bigger idea, which is what you expect from your life.

You may be very happy to know that Singapore is currently ranked as the country with the third highest life expectancy. We are behind Andorra and Japan, and tied with San Marino. It seems quite clear why people in those countries, and ours, live so long. We share one thing in common: our football teams are all hopeless. There’s very little danger of any of our citizens having their pulses raised by watching us play in the World Cup. Spectators are more likely to be lulled into a gentle and restful nap.

Singaporeans have a life expectancy of 81.8 years. Singapore men live to an average of 79.21 years, while Singapore women live more than five years longer, probably to take into account the additional time they need to spend in the bathroom.

So here you are, in your twenties, thinking that you’ll have another 40 years to go. Four decades in which to live long and prosper.

Bad news. Read the papers. There are people dropping dead when they’re 50, 40, 30 years old. Or quite possibly just after finishing their convocation. They would be very disappointed that they didn’t meet their life expectancy.

I’m here to tell you this. Forget about your life expectancy.

After all, it’s calculated based on an average. And you never, ever want to expect being average.

Revisit those expectations. You might be looking forward to working, falling in love, marrying, raising a family. You are told that, as graduates, you should expect to find a job paying so much, where your hours are so much, where your responsibilities are so much.

That is what is expected of you. And if you live up to it, it will be an awful waste.

If you expect that, you will be limiting yourself. You will be living your life according to boundaries set by average people. I have nothing against average people. But no one should aspire to be them. And you don’t need years of education by the best minds in Singapore to prepare you to be average.

What you should prepare for is mess. Life’s a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate.

Don’t expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just live. Your life is over as of today. At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look. This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows.

What does this mean for you? It is good that your life is over.

Since your life is over, you are free. Let me tell you the many wonderful things that you can do when you are free.

The most important is this: do not work.

Work is anything that you are compelled to do. By its very nature, it is undesirable.

Work kills. The Japanese have a term “Karoshi”, which means death from overwork. That’s the most dramatic form of how work can kill. But it can also kill you in more subtle ways. If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there’s nothing left. A rock has been ground into sand and dust.

There’s a common misconception that work is necessary. You will meet people working at miserable jobs. They tell you they are “making a living”. No, they’re not. They’re dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing lives doing things which are, at best, meaningless and, at worst, harmful.

People will tell you that work ennobles you, that work lends you a certain dignity. Work makes you free. The slogan “Arbeit macht frei” was placed at the entrances to a number of Nazi concentration camps. Utter nonsense.

Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing something you hate so that you can spend the small remainder sliver of your life in modest comfort. You may never reach that end anyway.

Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play. Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again. You will become good at it for two reasons: you like it, and you do it often. Soon, that will have value in itself.

I like arguing, and I love language. So, I became a litigator. I enjoy it and I would do it for free. If I didn’t do that, I would’ve been in some other type of work that still involved writing fiction – probably a sports journalist.

So what should you do? You will find your own niche. I don’t imagine you will need to look very hard. By this time in your life, you will have a very good idea of what you will want to do. In fact, I’ll go further and say the ideal situation would be that you will not be able to stop yourself pursuing your passions. By this time you should know what your obsessions are. If you enjoy showing off your knowledge and feeling superior, you might become a teacher.

Find that pursuit that will energise you, consume you, become an obsession. Each day, you must rise with a restless enthusiasm. If you don’t, you are working.

Most of you will end up in activities which involve communication. To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth. I’m not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things. The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth. Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There is also great skill. Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence.

In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know it. That requires great frankness to yourself. Never fool the person in the mirror.

I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truth. I now say this to you: be hated.

It’s not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross.

One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it’s often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one’s own convictions. It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average. That cannot be your role. There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.

The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.

I didn’t say “be loved”. That requires too much compromise. If one changes one’s looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone.

Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We’ve taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work – the only kind of work that I find palatable.

Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.

Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn’t happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.
You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart.

You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you.

Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don’t, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.

Don’t work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.

Dear fever,

Dear fever,

Why do you have to come now? It's really not a good timing. I lose my appetite, no energy, and as of now, my head is being disturbed by your friend; pain. I'm sorry, but now isn't really the best time for you to visit me. I have finals starting next week, and it's my most crucial week, as I'll be having 4 major papers next week. Plus, there's the Healing & Prophetic Crusade this weekend. And I have lots of other stuff to do. How am I to do when you're around? You're taking my strength away, and also my appetite.

No strength-appetite=Weak. When I'm weak, I can't study, can't sleep well, can't do those things I got to do. Can't think properly. Many other things, fever.

Plus, I'm alone now. When ever you come to visit me, I wish there's someone around me; to take care of us, and pamper me as you take everything away from me. But, I'm alone now. So, why now? I know this is your annual visitation time; at the end of every semester. But do you REALLY have to come? I mean, can't you at least wait, or come a few days earlier and leave?

Its already Wednesday night, fever. Haven't studied much yet, and this is not what I expected. Really. I have my target, which I really want to achieve. And you coming down at this time, it's really not helping. Plus, that decision I have to make now, sigh...

I don't know. Please go away? Please? Come back later. I'll be prepared then. I don't know what much to say already, except to try to study.

Sadly for you, no matter what, you'll definitely have to leave, sooner or later. Because, my God, is going to defeat you, and give me complete healing, in no time. So, have a good time away =)

Yours sincerely,

Sheren

Blessings...

Past few weeks have been very hectic, as expected. With many things, not just assignments.

And I wasted quite a lot of time too, doing things that I didn't have to do, and even some which I shouldn't have done. I could have finished my work way earlier, but I couldn't. I either will feel very sleepy or just can't do it unless its the last minute. Why? I don't know. I need a breakthrough in this. I really want. I don't want to be a last minute person. I don't enjoy it at all. I really need a breakthrough in this. And I think, I know how I'm gonna get it. Well, there's only One person who can help me out here.

Lets talk about some things that has happened recently. My class ended at 12pm. But I only managed to get back at 3pm. Why? Accompanied Sharan for lunch. I was hungry too. Then stayed till they went for class. I did some work while waiting, so still okay. Then when they left for class, I left waiting for bus. Only managed to get a bus after more than an hour and a half. Can you believe it? 3 KF buses, 3 IP buses, 4-5 E buses. Only one ABCD bus after an hour and a half. That's when I realised I could have gone back earlier. My fault. All the way walking back to my room I was thinking of the pending list of things I've got to finish. Major: 4 assignments due tomorrow for the same subject. I was already late. One done, one done half way, another two, I'm not even sure how much and what I've done. Then Sharan called saying the due dates are postponed to next week, postponed again. I was relieved and also feel bad; for Mr. Jaratin. He must be very disappointed with us. Well, I'm definitely disappointed with myself. Didn't do well in the midterm. Couldn't finish his assignments on time. And I'm a final year student?

Many more things to complete by tonight. Tired, seriously am. 2-3 nights of very little sleep. That's gonna be the case again tonight.

Alpha weekend away tomorrow till Saturday. Only You, Jesus, who can help to ensure everything goes on smoothly.

Need to get back to work.

Sheren

Homestay weekend

I want to make sure I have it at least on my blog coz’ it about something I might not get to experience again. It’s not all good, wonderful and awesome, but it’s definitely something hard to experience again and again in a person’s life.

Last weekend (2^nd and 3^rd October 2010) I went for a homestay project. Not on my own will and choice. Not because of two reasons; it’s not the right time (c’mon, its DURING the semester where I have loads of things to do and it’s the weekend where I’m supposed to ONLY wanting to be at CF on Saturday night and Sunday morning) and I’m broke; completely broke (that’s another story totally).

It’s for one of my Elective subjects; Cultural Tourism where the lecturer makes us to watch movie class, makes a field trip to the State Mosque, makes it compulsory for us to spend at least a night at a homestay, watch new movie (Eat, Pray, Love; which I’m currently downloading from the net because, again, time and money issue) and also go for the open house held at Chancellor Hall. Not saying that it’s all bad and time and money wasting. I just feel, most of the things, it’s not okay for some of us if it’s made compulsory. Make it an option, and as long as we finish the task, I guess it should be fine. I get her reason for doing all this; so that we can ease up ourselves from the stress we get from other things, relax, have fun while doing something that she uses to asses and evaluate us. But as I said, it’s not so feasible for some of us.

Okay, back to the main purpose of this post; the weekend I had. So we went for the homestay project. It was Mitabang Homestay at Kiulu; one and a half hour drive from UMS. I thought I could at least go for the intercessory but we had to leave early because they were scared we get lost, it’ll get dark, etc. And I could only get the car late and pass the van too. I had to leave at 2.45 pm to fetch some of them, get the directions for the homestay co-ordinator, fetch more people then leave at 4pm. It wasn’t that hard to find the place, though we over-shoot twice to different route. Thanks to some miss-directions on the direction sketch. We managed to reach there safe and on time. Upon arrival, we were greeted by the Chairman, and the little kids there. It really reminded me of the lovely people in Kudat; the friendliness, the care, the love, the smiles. There was nothing much for few hours upon reaching there. We were all very hungry. And I was keep thinking about CF, especially about transportation as it was around fetching time and there was totally no coverage at the place. So, I was just praying everything was fine. It’s not that CF won’t be CF without me and things will go wrong without me. But it’s just different being somewhere else on Saturday night.

We were just talking to each other, watching Indon drama with the people there; mostly kids, taking pictures among ourselves and with the kids there, disturbing the youngest kid of the Chairman and host family; Ezra, 2 years old small girl. Very adorable and very attached to the mum and very scared with strangers, and very adorable (I know I said that, but she is VERY adorable). Well, I think all kids are adorable, as long as you know how to see them as kids and love them as kids.

Then, dinner was served. We ate with the people there; the host family and the neighbors who happens to be all relatives (which made me feel quite down thinking how I wish I had relatives too; relatives who ARE still relatives and keep in touch, and visit one another). They were all from Seventh Day Adventists. It was interesting knowing how they were like. This family, I felt they were very much like Muslims; their way of life, what they eat, the way they talk, the songs and radio station they listen to (this was the major one).

The food was nice (especially thinking back that we paid RM100 each for the trip, and thinking how life has been with instant noodles due to the constant losing of appetite again, and how I miss home cooked food). Though the mushroom tasted weird, but it was really good dinner, plus the langsats were sweet and nice.

After dinner, the chairman explained some cultural things and also what tourists usually do when they go over, plus what we will be doing the next morning. It was interesting. Then, they played the gong for us. There were 6 different sizes of gongs. I just wanted to play them so much. And we got to J Which reminds me, I really want to get a mini gong as a souvenir from Kudat, at least before I leave Sabah (if I’ll be leaving anytime soon; don’t know about future plans yet)

So, they played the gong for us, then allowed us to play it, and showed us how the Sumazau dance is like and told us they play the gong and we’ll have to dance. I was okay with it. I really want to wear the Sabahan traditional costumes; any of it. So, dancing the cultural dance was not a problem for me (related? I think it is. Lol…)

We danced together. It was a short one. But it was sweet and also recorded. Haha.

Then, it was already get-to-bed time. I was tired, not sleepy. Was thinking about CF again. Missed it so very much. Watched Ultraman with the kids and others (well, the kids were watching it), showered, then went to bed. Managed to receive messages and managed to send 3 messages out. Thank God for the 1 bar coverage near my bed.

Next morning, walked up the hill to the farm/forest. Very nice view. Then, after the picture taking, fish feeding, fruits eating, scenery viewing, talking, laughing, we went back to the house for breakfast. He taught us how to eat lada. As we told some of us are not big fans of it, he made it sweet, with lots of sugar, so the specialty was gone. We all had it though. We all thought we would eat together with the family, at least that’s what we or, at least I personally hoped for; never had much of that in my life. But it didn’t happen. It was only 6 of us eating together. Space, we could eat outside like the time we had dinner. Not a problem for us. But, it okay. I still wish we ate together though.

After breakfast, we went up to the farm through a hanging bridge. It wasn’t so long nor was it very high. But it was definitely nice. If I’m not mistaken, that was my first time experience (I don’t travel and go around). We took fruits from trees and ate it just like that and we even plucked small fruits called kulangit. Thank to the small girls who helped and taught us how to get them.. We were also taught how to tap rubber, and how rich we could be by just tapping rubber. But inside me, I was just wondering if rubber tappers could really earn as much as he was saying they could earn, then why is it I always read, hear, and see that rubber tappers are poor and also having financial difficulties. Exploitation?

We collected some leaves, which I can’t remember the name for our lunch. I like the bag he was holding. It was like the bag the ladies use when taking tea leaves. I just loved it. Not my kind of thing usually, but this time, I just had this special interest in this bag. Took few pictures with it on my back. You should see the smile on my face then =D

After that, we went back to the house, to drink water and get our things to go to the waterfall. Unfortunately, we were afraid to wet the car and some of us didn’t have extra pair of clothes and we were also worried that we were over-shoot the time. So, we decided to just follow, feel the water there but not bath and play there. Sad. Very sad. It was definitely a challenging journey to the waterfall. The hanging bridge was scary. It felt like we were on a ship and it was moving and we were looking at the river which was flowing extremely fast. Scary. I felt like I was about to have height-fear at that time. Thank God it didn’t happen. I actually had the courage to stop and look down a few times. Super-girl? Why do people always call me that…?

Anyway, I got a cut on my right palm on my way to the waterfalls. Don’t know which tree I held, and got a cut. Thought it was a small one but it sure did hurt. Imagine I had to drive back too. When we reached the waterfalls, it felt so good. Those who decided not to get wet, we felt so jealous seeing them bathing and playing there; jumping into the water again and again. We on the other side, just sat there on the huge stones, looking at them, talking, feeling the cold water, and taking more pictures.

We left to the house, I felt on the way, in the mud, and felt I could have just played at the waterfall if I knew I were to fall. Thank God we had a way to ensure the car wasn’t dirty or wet. Showered (that was a real good bath I had there, loved it so much), had lunch, then had our interview done. We left at around 4pm. Reached UMS half an hour earlier than we expected, based on our journey going there.

I had a lot more I wanted share. But let this 4 pages post be it for now. I’ll continue some other time. Now, time to get back to assignments. I really got to finish everything as soon as possible so that I can start studying earlier. Need to achieve what I want and must and should achieve this time. Only You know dear Lord...